Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Gratitude {A difficult reflection of motherhood + healing wounds}

There is always something to be grateful for but lately, I have been feeling even more thankful than usual. It started with something that Brant Hansen said one day on Air1. He was talking about that article that was just published about children costing a crazy amount of money and how much of a cost "burden" they can be. Brant gave a quote from Justin Guarini about this same topic that actually put tears in my eyes. He said, 

"There was a time when I could have thrown down cash for a house, and had any number of lovers in and out the door. A flashy car and clothes to match. An ego to trump them all.
Now, I rent a home filled with love. I have a wife whom I love and who loves me (me!) and who lifts me up. Children who give me cherubic-lipped kisses before I leave for work and who are the most delicious morsels of joy and peace and prosperity.
I am a pretty wealthy individual. 
And then this, his best line:
I have more riches than I can count. Most of them come in the form of smiles and drool... but they make me feel like a gazillionaire."

When he said this, I felt a little guilty because at times, I feel like I don't appreciate how much of a blessing my son is. Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed with his energizer bunny, bouncing off walls, jumping off tables, throwing things behavior. I felt guilty for the times I've said "I need a break" or "this is so much harder than I ever thought."

He is well, he is alive, he is curious, he is unique and he is unbelievably precious and loved in not only mine and my husband's eyes but the Lord's eyes as well.

I would never change what God has blessed me with and I am SO thankful for the life I've been given-including our little lover-everything about him. Yes, sometimes I may feel as if I "need a break" from the messes of smeared fruit snacks in the carpet, the brief heart attacks from watching my son get on tables to try and jump off and the constant discipline to get him to stop putting random things in the outlets.

This is life and it's filled with lots of kisses until bellies start hurting from laughter, hugs that squeeze tightly, hands that tangle up and "I Love You"s to last a lifetime yet can't ever be said enough. I would never trade any of this for the world and I'm thankful to have reflected due to a couple minutes listening to the radio.

Think this post stops there? Not entirely.

A few days ago, I was also attacked by a few large dogs. I don't really want to get too much into it because I don't want to think about the details but I can honestly find ENORMOUS gratitude in that situation as well. I could have had my son with me, I could have had my face severely wounded or even organs punctured BUT even in that moment, I was being protected.

My side has bite marks, I have a very small gash on my head and a couple deep punctures in my right arm. My arm got the worst of it but my physical wounds are definitely healing quickly with lots of prayers from family and friends. My emotional wounds will certainly take longer though. Today, I saw my neighbors small dog wondering into our yard and my heart stopped. I turned around to walk into the house praying the dog wouldn't follow me and I shut the door as quickly as possible.

Yet through this, I have so much more to be grateful for because I am well and I am able to be at home with my family.

This is what I will dwell on.
Thank you Lord!

What are you thankful for lately?


  1. What a beautiful reminder! I'm so glad you are ok and will pray for healing.

  2. OH, wow! What a scary situation to be in. So glad to hear you are ok!

  3. So glad to hear you are doing okay, both mentally and physically! Having kids is hard. Don't feel bad about needing a break sometimes -- you are human. Your heart can be thankful while your head is frustrated and that's totally fine. Some of the best things in life are the most difficult. I've also been thinking about having kids, triggered by my daughter's first day of kindergarten, and wrote about it today!


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