My Heart. Giving Up Control.

My heart at the moment.

Since 2014 greeted the world, I had a feeling this year would be different. Not just for a short moment, but for a lasting season. I knew I'd have to make some tough decisions this year upon changes, I just didn't expect it so soon. It all started with a new line of crowns for a styled shoot, then I had some amazing opportunities with my brand to reach more people than I ever could on my own and after several other blessings in between, here I am trying to find time to breathe.

For the past few weeks, I have been working on several orders, answering countless emails, working with other talented creatives on shoots and events and trying to balance home life at the same time. I am so incredibly thankful for these open doors and the wonderful customers I have but I am eternally grateful for my husband who has helped me tremendously along the way. Without him, I'd be a wreck...and most likely, a quitter. This is undoubtably my passion in life but even the most inspired, fervent and creative person can become overwhelmed and in need of respite.

The other day, after listening to my spiel, my husband put his foot down and told me to get help already. I've talked about it before but because I am so scared to give anything up with my duties as a small business owner, I relented to reach out. This little business is in a way, like my baby. Although I have been offered several times by friends and family for their help, there's just something that holds me back out of fear of giving up some control. 

The next day, my husband came home and gave me a phone number. He said, "Call her. She is willing to help."  He said he started asking around at work for somebody willing to help me and was reffered to this girl. After getting a large order (80 bracelets) on top of the others that still needed to be filled, I decided it was the time to call her and I did.

Today, was the first day I received help because I finally reached out and was serious. Guess what? Because she came over and packed those bracelet sets for me, I was able to get another crown done, get another additional order out and have more free time to play in the mud with my son before he took his nap! Being a wife and a mother will come first to anything I take on but it sure can be difficult to balance priorities when you have such a love for the work you do to help provide for your family.

I am learning a lot along this journey. I now know that it's ok to ask for help and giving up control means gaining more moments worth remembering and embracing. Please forgive me if orders don't go out right away or if blog posts aren't regular or emails aren't responded to as quickly as hoped. I am only one person with many hats and right now, I am ok with giving up some of them. It's another lesson being learned.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

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My heart on an internet platter

Yesterday, I attended my first blog conference. Elevate was hosted by Summer from Made by Munchie's Mama, Jenn from Delightful Deets and Nicole from Yeung Mother Hubbard. They did a fantastic job and it was a wonderful experience to meet so many great women behind the blog including our inspirational speakers Sarah from Little Penelope Lane, Erin from Living in Yellow, Kimmie from Sugar and Dots and Ashley from Little Miss Momma. Although I want to share EVERYTHING that I've learned and all of the beautiful photos that were taken yesterday, I will save that for the next post. :)

Today, I want to share more of me rather then just what I have been creating for others and their events (although that is still a big part of what makes me, me). I realized though that I don't share enough of my personal life. It's not that I need to but in order to connect with readers, it's important to really know the person behind the blog. Not sharing a whole lot of my personal life has been purposeful because I'm a little scared to really put myself and my feelings on the web. Once you "publish" a post, there's no going back and that's what scares me.

After a while of blogging and sharing all of the "pretty things" that I love, create and what inspires me, I want my readers to know a bit more about me-the wife who doesn't get the house clean every day or cooks dinner every night-the mommy who has guilt when my son plays by himself while I try to finish orders in my craft room-the planner who is scrambling to stay organized and sometimes does too much which results in headaches-the Christian who doesn't stay in my devotion every. single. day. like I'd want-the worrier who gets anxiety over many types of risks (including driving in the car and meeting new faces) and the girl who tries to please too many people and tries too hard sometimes.

Although it is a beautiful life-it can be difficult at times. I've had people say say, "I want your life," "I want to be as successful as you" or even "you seem to have it all together." I find it strange when people say these things because I most certainly don't have it all together and I make mistakes-A LOT. When I thought about why I would hear these things, I realized that I only post what I want people to know/think-not because it isn't me but because I only let the "good/positive" door open to the outside world. I love my family and I love creating but like I said, sometimes a lot of the time it's hard.

I have many moments where I want to give up on many projects I undertake because the stress overwhelms me but because it will make someone else happy, I don't. As I admit that, it makes me cry because that is the first time I've finally said it. I am still learning to prioritize.

I'm so incredibly grateful for my husband because he is the biggest supporter of me and is the best to talk to when I need advice for something. He has more confidence in me then I do in myself. That is the truth. When he talks about me, the first thing I want to do is say something negative about myself or make his comments seem like they were exaggerated. That is so awful right? I don't know why I do it and it's something I need to work on. I need to believe in myself and believe it when I say it!

That goes for every woman-we need to have more confidence in ourselves-as a wife, mommy, student, creative artist, business owner, teacher, counselor, etc. It's so easy to beat ourselves up! I know this because I do it.

God created us in his image and we are perfect the way we are. The sooner we understand this, the sooner we can love ourselves and truly appreciate our lives to the fullest.

Honestly, I had no idea that I was going to write this post the way it turned out. I don't want you to think that I'm upset or wish I had another life or anything depressing like that. I just want to share my heart today and let you know that it's ok to not have it all together because nobody does-no matter what they may portray. It's ok to have meltdowns because you don't think you are a perfect mom-if your baby loves you and smiles at the world-you must be doing something right. It's ok to feel stressed because everyone needs a break. It's ok to feel vulnerable because sometimes sharing your deepest feelings is the best therapy. These are some of mine.